Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
