Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
