If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
