They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
