Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
