Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
50% drunk capacity currently
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
