cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
