Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
