Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
