Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
