I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
