it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
