Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
