He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
