So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
