am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
