You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
