How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
