i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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