How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
