i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
