Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
