I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
