Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
