things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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