Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
