i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
