paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
