I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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