mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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