"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
