I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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