she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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