You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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