Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
