Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
