Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
