i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
