farters have to be the big spoon...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
