i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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