he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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