Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
