OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
