What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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