Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
