i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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