Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
