ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
