do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
