I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
