did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We're too hungover to prance.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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