so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
