Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
