I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
