an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
