so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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