I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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