Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
