So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
