he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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