I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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