I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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